Ooops

Never Let A Blonde
Shoot A Shotgun

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Blonde Attempting Suicide

A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?", the doctor asked.

"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the Blonde replied.

"Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"

"No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, just no, I just paid $40,000 for these.

Then I put it in my mouth and thought, I just paid $24,000 to get my teeth straightened.

Then I put the gun in my ear, and thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
Shooting Blanks

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.

"I've never been better! " he boasted.

"I've married an 18 year old blonde who's pregnant and having my child!

What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said,

"Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season."

"One day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun'.

'He was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him!'

'He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle."

"And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."

The doctor continued,

"The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at..."replied the doctor.

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Stuck At Third

You Know You Have PMS IF:
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

5. Your using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says "How's my driving-call 1-800-xxxxxxx."

6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

7. You're counting down the days until menopause.

8. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

9. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.