A Real Tragedy
Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy". One little boy stands up and said "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be tragedy."
"No", Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."
A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved....that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS to mankind."
"Isn't there anybody here who can tell me what a tragedy?"
Then little Billy in the back raises his hand and says: "If Hillary and you were on Air Force One and the plane was blown up by a bomb, that would be a tragedy."
"You're absolutely right" Clinton beams. " How how did you come to that conclusion?"
Well," says the boy, "the plane being blown up by a bomb wouldn't be an accident and losing the two of you would not be any great loss to mankind"
Bill the Prankster
With computer analysis capabilities so prevalent, it was just a matter of time before these machines appeared. Walmart is the first to install these machines in their drug & prescription dept. What they are is a urine analysis machine. You go in a small booth, fill a specimen test tube, and pour it in the machine, and after a minute or two the results appear.
So Bill Clinton figured he'd have a little fun with it. He went home, had Hillary give a sample, got a sample from Chelsea, got a sample from their cat and himself masturbated in the vial. Figuring the mixture would totally baffle the machine, Bill went back to Walmart and dumped the entire sample in the machine.
After a few seconds, he received a printout saying: Chelsea is pregnant, Hillary has syphilis, the cat has ringworm's and if you don't quit jacking off, you'll never get rid of your tennis elbow.
An Old Story That Circulated At the White House
While Bill, Hillary and Chelsea were vacationing at Camp David the housekeeper was tasked with looking after their pet parrot.
They hadn't been gone for more than a couple of days when the parrot was found dead in the bottom of it's cage. The housekeeper knew how angry Hillary would be at the loss of one of their family pets, so she set out to find a replacement bird and visited nearly every pet store in Washington.
After nearly two days of looking nonstop, she came across an almost exact duplicate of the bird. As she purchased the parrot, the shop owner cautioned her that the bird had previously be owned by a Bordello that was recently shut down by the Vice Squad. The housekeeper replied that the other parrot couldn't talk anyway and that no one would ever know and she took the bird back to the White House.
The morning after the Clinton's return to the White House, Chelsea walked through the room and the bird looked at her and said, "Too young."
A little later Hillary came into the room and the bird eyed her too and said, "Too old."
Late that afternoon the President entered the room and the bird looked him up and down and said, "HI, BILL!".