EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. BATHROOMS A man has seven items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, deoderant, a razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
And God Created Women
And Then God Provided Man With Two Major Organs:
1. The Brain 2. The Sex Organ
But He Only Supplied Enough Blood In His System
To Operate One Of Those Organs At A Time!
Causing Trouble In Paradise
And Now You Know Why Men Can't Help Being Idiots
SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING Ah, children.
A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
Mode Difference Between Men And Women
How to Please A Womean
Love her Die For her Take her to dinner Miss the game for her Stop going out with the guys Buy her jewelry Be interested in what she has to say Do NOT disagree with her Do NOT try and win an argument with her
How to Please A Man
Show Up Naked Bring Beer
There are several theories about how to win an argument with a woman.
None of them work.
Condons On The Market
General Electric Condoms: We bring good things to life! AT&T Condoms: Reach out and touch someone. Bounty Condoms: The quicker picker upper. Microsoft Condoms: Where do you want to go today ? Energizer Condoms: It keeps going and going and going.... M&M Condoms: It melts in your mouth, not in your hands! Taco Bell Condoms: Get some; make a run for the border. GOD spoke to a man riding his motorcycle on Pacific Coast Highway. GOD said I grant you one wish. The man said build me a bridge to Hawaii. GOD replied, try to come up with something that will help mankind. The Man Replied, Help men to understand women. GOD replied, how many lanes you want on that bridge.