Condons On The Market

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.

None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.


BATHROOMS
A man has seven items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, deoderant, a razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.

A man would not be able to identify most of these items.


ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

And God
Created Women

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And Then God Provided Man
With Two Major Organs:

1. The Brain
2. The Sex Organ

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But He Only Supplied
Enough Blood In His System

To Operate One
Of Those Organs At A Time!

Causing Trouble In Paradise

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And Now You Know Why Men
Can't Help Being Idiots


SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.


DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals


NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


OFFSPRING
Ah, children.

A woman knows all about her children.

She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

Mode Difference Between
Men And Women

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How to Please A Womean

Love her
Die For her
Take her to dinner
Miss the game for her
Stop going out with the guys
Buy her jewelry
Be interested in what she has to say
Do NOT disagree with her
Do NOT try and win an argument with her

How to Please A Man

Show Up Naked
Bring Beer
There are several theories about how to win an argument with a woman.

None of them work.