|
- Top Ten Things That
Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren't:
10. I need to whip it out
by 5!
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Put it in my box before I leave.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk NOW!!
5. Hmmm........I think it's out of fluid.
4. My equipment is so old it takes forever to finish.
3. It's an entry-level position.
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
1. It's not fair...I do all the work and he just sits
there.
- Top Ten Things That
Sound Dirty In Golf But Aren't
10. Nuts...my shaft is bent
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker
7. Look at the size of his putter
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit
more
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be
desired
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first
Top Ten Things
That Sound Dirty In Law But Aren't
10. Have you looked through
her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge!
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
1. Think you can get me off?
-
Sayings
"There's no such thing as a tough
child -- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they
always come out tender." -
W.C. Fields
"At one point we decided to fight
fire with fire... Well... basically... your house burned
even faster." - Ex-Fireman
"Computers in the future may weigh
no more than 1.5 tons -
Popular Mechanics, 1949
"I think there is a world market
for maybe five computers." - Thomas
Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
Word
Thrift
- A woman goes into the local
newspaper office to see that the obituary for her
recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor
informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a
word.
- She pauses, reflects and then
says, "Well, then, let is read, 'Fred Brown died.'"
- Amused at the woman's thrift, the
editor tells her that there is a 7 word minimum for all
obituaries.
Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a
few seconds says, "In that case, let it read, 'Fred Brown
died. 1988 Bronco For Sale.'"
- Things To
Live By
-
- Be nice to your children for they
will choose your rest home (Phyllis Diller)
- Don't take life so seriously ...
it's not permanent.
- Despite the cost of living, it's
still quite popular.
- The trouble with life is, by the
time you can read a girl like a book, your library card
has expired (Milton Berle)
- The aging process would be slowed
if it had to work its way through Congress
- I have everything I had 20 years
ago, only now it's all a little bit lower (Gypsy Rose
Lee)
|
-
Joke
Factory
Home
Index
Directory
My Spell
Checker
I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC;
It plainly marks four my revue,
Mistakes I cannot sea.
I've run this poem threw it,
I'm sure your please to no,
Its letter perfect in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
- Quoted by Penney Harper
Why Geek Dudes
Rule
•They are generally
available.
•Other women will tend not to steal them.
•They can fix things.
•Your parents will love them.
•They're loyal.
•They're smart.
"Top Ten White House Jobs
That Sound Dirty."
- 10. Polishing the presidential
podium
9. Unwrapping the Big Mac
8. Taking Buddy for a walk
7. Handling the Hotline
6. Vacuuming under the Oval Office desk
5. Waxing Air Force One
4. Shaking hands with the French ambassador
3. Giving the President an oral briefing
2. Taking dictation
1. Polling
|
