Daffynitions | Wondering | Final Exam | One Liners | Why Oh Who

Daffynition A panda walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich and shoots the waiter. Then he starts to leave. The bar tender shouts where you going. The panda shouts I'm a panda; look it up in the dictionary. The bartender walks to a dictionary and looks up "panda". It said " panda-noun.-a Tree dwelling animal that eats shoots and leaves." top I Was Just Wondering If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? If a person is a vegetarian, does he eat animal crackers? If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they get Teflon to stick to the pans? If your car is traveling at the speed of light and you turned on your headlights, would they work? Why does one have a pair of panties but only one bra? Why is it that when you are driving and looking for an address, you turn the radio down? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats, instead of parachutes. What do you have if you have 100 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?. top Final Exam It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. 1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet. "You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet. "Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. 1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there. "No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?" "No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor. "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again. "No, and I don't care." replied the professor. "Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room. top Why Oh Why? Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together? Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have? Why is it you have a "pair" of pants and only one bra? Why do people go to Burger King and Order a Double Whopper with a Large French Fry and insist on getting a Diet Coke? Why is there only one Monopolies commission? Why do ballet dancers always dance on their toes? Wouldn't it be to just hire taller dancers? Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new? Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"? Why do we go under over-passes and over under-passes? Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? top