What Children Learn Fast

  • No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
  • When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
  • Never ask a 3-year old to hold a tomato.
  • You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
  • Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
  • Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic-tac.
  • Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
  • School lunches stick to the wall.
  • You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
  • Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
  • If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the
    second person.
  • What Adults Eventually Learn

  • Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree.
  • There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am
    sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
  • Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
  • The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere...and let the air out
    of their tires.
  • Families are like fudge...mostly sweet with a few nuts.
  • Middle age is when you choose cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
  • The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
  • If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts.
  • Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day.
  • You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do
    while you're down there.